Offended To Only Realize The Truth

 Last night, I had a book study on the 2nd principle of Unity Church. We also went over in greater depth principle 1: that the Universe is benevolent. I brought up a deep topic of justice. How do we navigate evil if there is no punishment for wrong?

The teacher was very negative about traditional Christianity and I was offended because I had been taught God is Love there too. But, as I began diving into a volunteer opportunity with NeedHim.org, I realized that traditional Christianity still believe man was inherently hostile towards God and that death was a curse.

I used to accept this, but I have been given a higher perspective now that really resonates with me and opens my eyes to many possibilities for what I see as my spiritual gifts and spiritual experiences.

Unfortunately, I get easily offended, as do the personality type of INFP! But, my teacher was nothing but loving and apologetic. That disarmed me. It is truly a higher way to see the Universe and God as all good all the time.

Native American Spirit with Spirit Guides

 I had an amazing meditation tonight. I asked at the beginning "show me my true identity." I was floored by image after image that appeared in my spiritual vision. First, I saw myself captaining a sailboat, then running and heard the word, "Puma." I believe I will lose this weight and do those things.

I kept seeing a lion head which I believe is a spirit guide of mine as I often see him. I also saw a wolf this time coming from the East which seemed to be bowing its head at me. When I think of the lion, I think of Christ. Now, my maiden name is Christman so I believe there is significance in this - what exactly, not sure. Except that I follow the Christ teachings.

I also saw a mandala and heard the word kundalini. Both signs of my inner energy.

More amazingly, I saw myself in a past life with a son. I was Native American. Earlier today, I'd heard the word Cherokee. I have a Native American spirit. I want to explore their faith tradition more.

Two Past Lives Create Health Issues

 I spoke with a spiritual advisor who said she saw that I was autistic two lifetimes ago and that the residual has left me bipolar. She told me to meditate to her chakra healing session on YouTube. As I did, my inner divine showed me an image of a camel, then me riding that camel and I heard "extreme thirst." A trauma 3 lifetimes ago created the extreme thirst I feel today. Now, I must learn how to heal these past lifetime traumas and illnesses!

Finding your "Bliss"

 Today, I'm reading an article on New Thought and I come to the understanding that we are all meant to do that which is our passion. This is called finding your "bliss." Bliss is a state in which time flies by and you become unaware of your surroundings because you are so engrossed in what you are doing. It is something that comes naturally to you and gives you joy in the doing.

I'm trying to find my "bliss." I believe it is in writing, but writing what? I journal almost everyday, but when I get on here I feel like I'm talking to somebody and write completely differently. Some may refer to this as your "calling." It sounds easier to find when you call it "bliss." Your "calling" sounds like a vocation. It may become a vocation because as you operate in your state of "bliss," the universe will bring abundant ideas and resources your way.

So, what is your "bliss?"

New Spiritual Journey

I am on a new spiritual journey. One in which I barely know the rules of conduct because there are none - except that which beckons the nature of love. Loving oneself, loving one another, loving the world. It is a walk of love, yet it is a metaphysical walk. It is understanding the world from a new perspective. One in which the Bible is deciphered in a new way. The way in which people of that time and origin spoke - in parables, allegories, and stories. The people of Biblical times followed an Oriental tradition that engaged others indirectly and with stories rich with meaning, but not so literal.

I find this reading of the Word to make more sense. The Bible is fantastical otherwise. It is hard to grasp how I can do more than Jesus unless I own the divinity within me. It is easier to understand God as an absolute love rather than a judgmental and punishing person. God is Spirit and he lives within us all. That much is the same. But that divinity in me is a "creator" of reality as I know it. This divine spark has the potential to create my circumstances and life based on thoughts and feelings and words that I speak.

My new spiritual journey is one of great faith, but also one of great peace. I am renewed in my mind as I study these new principles. I am freer than I've ever been knowing that I am not a sinner, but am inherently good. We all are. Evil is not an entity, but rather the departure from the truth. For the truth is love and goodness. 

Faith Must Be Found

In this season of my life, I am confronted with a terminally ill husband. I was married in August to my sweatheart of over 4 years. We have lived together all these years and our love has only grown into a place of committed passion for the growth and happiness of the other.

But, he suddenly had liver failure and eventually kidney failure. These two combined have put him in the hospital for 50 days so far. He has no insurance so he is waiting for some charity to finance his dialysis treatments. This is taking far too long.

Just before this all happened, God was trying to get my attention. I didn't know his message and honestly didn't stop long enough to hear. He is still getting my attention with the same signs and I have stopped to listen. I think he is telling me that he will use Drew and I to minister to others.

I have been going back to the Christian Church after some really endearing encounters with his Pastor friend. Although I haven't gone in the past 60 days since he's been hospitalized. I go to the hospital every day for almost all day to spend it with my hubby.

What I've learned in this is that we must live in the moment and trust God to work out the life matters, meaning that of life or death. I am still a preparer and planner. I worry a lot about finances but have found that God has given me enormous strength in this time. I honestly have shocked everyone with how well I am holding up!

I still believe in the laws of attraction, metaphysics, meditation, and tarot reading as part of my overall faith. I don't believe Jesus is the only way, but I do believe he is real. Whether that offends some, is totally out of my control. I do believe some faiths are misguided in their teachings but that most serve the same God.

There is only one God. Of that I am sure. But there are Saints and others worth following. Teachings and gurus that enlighten us for the better.

I am grateful I have a relationship with God. And, that it was strengthened by my Christian friends prior to my husband falling ill. It has truly sustained me. Everyone needs faith. WIthout it, we are lost.

Hodgepodge of Faith

I sat in church today, for the first time in a year, and listened to the message being presented on Easter Sunday. The morning had started with a bang, the band all fired up. I couldn't even stand due to back issues from a car accident - at least not long. But, that didn't damper me so much as the show that was being put on. I'm a fan of the in between. Meaning I like the modern music but without the theatrics.

Regardless, as I said, the message was an easy listen. I learned a new way to look at the days leading up to the resurrection. Friday is the day of pain. We all walk in this life with pain - whether emotional or physical. Jesus didn't just suffer physically, he was also known as the "man of sorrows" and was acquainted with grief.

So, the preacher tells me that God doesn't bring pain, but he does give us purpose in it. I agree with that, but I prefer to look at the pain as my own reaction to a situation. I can find a blessing in every circumstance, a meaning behind every tragedy, and a way to cope through every trial. But, more than cope I will do.

I don't ascribe fully to the Jesus movement, though I respect the morals and teachings they present. I do believe in God, but prefer to think of him as the Universe. Whatever I call it, I am intentional on what I choose to believe, do and become. I wasn't always, but I've learned through my own experiences that I create my reality with my thoughts, words, emotions and actions.

Not that I bring about the death of a loved one. That is a tragedy. That is where I leave divine understanding in place. Only God knows why people, or even children, die when they do. This gives me a feeling that there is a higher purpose for all of us.

And, there you have it, a melding of faith. Perhaps a hodgepodge. But, it's more concrete to me now than two years ago when I wrote you last. I am doing better at finding myself.

Where have i escaped to?

It has now occurred to me when my boyfriend asked questions about the simplest of preferences like music and art that years of hiding myself has created a sort of robotic and often unsatisfied self image. I used to contemplate my own spirituality and interests with such ease. I surmise that is actually healthier than what I've become since I last wrote from the ❤.

I was single in those days, and instead of figuring out how to please someone else I used to learn how to please myself. Just in the past two days I have thought of escaping to the Oceanside living so notorious for romantic interludes with oneself.

Meaning find a cheap room somewhere and just enjoy my solitude by allowing the universe to unfold before me rather than trying to force some kind of change. But is that fair to the two people who love me most? Is it possible to find that kind of peace and abandonment in this city or do you need to be someplace that speaks to the soul?

The big question is where have I escaped to? What happened to the real me in all her likes, dislikes, quirks and carefree intellectual wanderings. Why the increasing dissatisfaction and sense of urgency to find an answer. I can only hope that I can slow down and be happy right where I am at. Isn't that the ultimate goal?

God says "Next Row!"

Imagine you are walking out of Walmart and your feet hit the pavement in the parking lot. The heat is blazing down on you and suddenly you feel a cool breeze. You wonder where the breeze has come from. Then you hear a voice. It says, "Next Row!" Then you brush it off thinking you are crazy yet still head for the next row thinking somehow you've had an epiphany. You get to the next row and begin scanning for your car. You look up and down, feeling lost. And, you hear it again, "Next Row!" You laugh audibly now. If the voice knew where my car was, why wasn't it in the next row? And, you say to yourself, could it be God? But, you question yourself and say "If it was God, wouldn't He know where my car was?" So, you wander for a bit, berating yourself for forgetting where you parked. But, you pause, and listen again. And, you hear "Next Row!" So, you begin to walk to the next row, all the while questioning if it is God. You say to the Lord, "It wasn't in the next row!" And, you hear, "then I must not be God." Whoa. Pause. Say that again? As you pause, leaving your shoes to soak up the heat of the pavement, you hear it one more time. "Next Row!" Without looking to the left or right you head straight ahead, awed by this direction from within. Focused only on the next row, you then hear "Turn left, it's on the right." Your eyes scan in that direction and you finally spot your car - right where you left it!

Now, back up and examine this encounter. God tells us in His Word that we are to follow the straight and narrow path, not the broad one. He also says if we acknowledge Him in all our ways, He will direct our paths. And further, He promises us that as His sheep, we hear His voice. So, why didn't God say "3 Rows Over and On the Right?" Perhaps because God gives direction one row at a time. Do you doubt the voice you hear is God because you are not looking straight ahead but instead scanning the landscape for signs of your car? Since we are on the "narrow path," it would make sense that we might need to put on horse blinders and stop expecting direction to come so far in advance. While sometimes God clearly points out the direction far in advance for us to follow, He is far more likely to point you in the right direction one row at a time. Why? So, we will learn to trust Him in times of darkness when our vision is impaired. Wait on God at each row in your life. Look neither to the left, nor the right, but straight ahead. Then wait for his instruction.

This happened to me today. Only I knew it was His voice. Upon reflection, I realized He was demonstrating His ways to me. I've driven unfamiliar roads and followed the voice of God to unknown places where He has spoken to me of my future. And, found my way home to the sound of "Take the next right" or "It's on the left." Yet, when I question and pull out my navigation device, I find it was exactly where He said. Don't rely on technology to lead you to the place He has for you. Listen for His voice telling you "next row!" He wants to speak to you like a friend and He wants to direct you not just guide you. Are you listening?

Know The Truth

You all know by now that I have journeyed away from the Christian church. All the teachings, good and bad, are still contained in my mind. But, I have chosen to believe what is most logical, and does not involve religion. But, I had to address this one issue I came across.

In Christian circles, there is a debate whether you go to hell for suicide. Some say its sin you don't have time to repent for. Though I guarantee most victims have begged for forgiveness before they did it. Others say its murder in the Bible and that makes it unforgivable. But, we are not in the Old Testament any more.

It is also commented that suicide is selfish. I think calling it selfish is selfish. A person who has reached that level of desperation is in a mighty amount of constant pain. Its no different than doping the dying into comas until they pass. Nobody wants to endure that level of pain for long.

Most importantly, the one thing I realized when I was a Christian is that Jesus died before I ever committed my first sin. I am already atoned for. I do not live under the law, as a sinner. I live under grace, whether I sin or not.

Now, honestly, all this talk of being sinners really can piss me off. Why do we all deserve to die? Because someone created a holy God and had to explain how holiness and perfection could live with that. Sounds like mythology to me.