It seems tonight I have come to a place of understanding and reconciliation with God. I am grateful. I see Him as granting me freedom through bad choices. Sounds a bit backwards, I know. But something that I so fiercely thought was God's leading was a disasterous heartbreak. I turned away for a while. Never forsaking but only reassessing. Knowing unforgettable truths like He makes good of all things.
I made a huge mistake and it cost me dearly financially. But the happenings surrounding this mistake, the words of people, the new open doors, etc, changed how I saw the world, God and myself. And, I wasn't afraid to let go of the past anymore. I found a positive and forever grace-fiilled heart emerged.
Part of this is a distancing from the church. Now having formed my own opinion that church is synonomous with religion, a man-made construct for meeting like-minded people. Or should I even say people looking to become like-minded with someone to fill a void. Harsh?
Let me remind you of the foremost picture of God in the New Testament. I contest it is not love, but grace. With a true understanding of grace comes freedom and peace. Even amongst people. God covered us with grace through Jesus Christ. He already demonstrated His love in the Old Testament. Don't see the love? How long would you ignore infidelity with the one you love before you let them have what they want, and even pay the consequences of their own betrayal.
It is going way deeper than I intended really. I simply wrote tonight to say I am free. And God has blessed me. He went to drastic measures to show me that my spirituality was rotten because it was religion fed me by organized institutions of teachers and pastors also fated as I had been.
I am extremely happy. But, I am still uncovering new understandings that continue to change me. I still face fear at times, whether of the past or of the unknown future. But, over time, I find that fading a new maturity setting in.
I do not condemn church goers. I condemn only that which makes you or I unhappy. If it meets the needs built in you to be met, then god bless your victory.
