In this season of my life, I am confronted with a terminally ill husband. I was married in August to my sweatheart of over 4 years. We have lived together all these years and our love has only grown into a place of committed passion for the growth and happiness of the other.
But, he suddenly had liver failure and eventually kidney failure. These two combined have put him in the hospital for 50 days so far. He has no insurance so he is waiting for some charity to finance his dialysis treatments. This is taking far too long.
Just before this all happened, God was trying to get my attention. I didn't know his message and honestly didn't stop long enough to hear. He is still getting my attention with the same signs and I have stopped to listen. I think he is telling me that he will use Drew and I to minister to others.
I have been going back to the Christian Church after some really endearing encounters with his Pastor friend. Although I haven't gone in the past 60 days since he's been hospitalized. I go to the hospital every day for almost all day to spend it with my hubby.
What I've learned in this is that we must live in the moment and trust God to work out the life matters, meaning that of life or death. I am still a preparer and planner. I worry a lot about finances but have found that God has given me enormous strength in this time. I honestly have shocked everyone with how well I am holding up!
I still believe in the laws of attraction, metaphysics, meditation, and tarot reading as part of my overall faith. I don't believe Jesus is the only way, but I do believe he is real. Whether that offends some, is totally out of my control. I do believe some faiths are misguided in their teachings but that most serve the same God.
There is only one God. Of that I am sure. But there are Saints and others worth following. Teachings and gurus that enlighten us for the better.
I am grateful I have a relationship with God. And, that it was strengthened by my Christian friends prior to my husband falling ill. It has truly sustained me. Everyone needs faith. WIthout it, we are lost.
