Don't you love how you can read the same scriptures or stories repeatedly and even the simplest of ideas or mentions can escape your attention. Today, I realize that I had always thought the statement about David as one "after my own heart" in Acts 13:22 meant David was fashioned to have God's heart. But, in light of seeing the sins He committed, I believe it is more read to say that David intensely sought to know God, to know His heart and ways, if not thoughts.
He knew His God better than most, even before the coming of Christ. He seemed to understand, like when reading Psalms 51, that God was merciful and forgiving. Moreso, that God desired a "contrite heart" more than sacrifice. Yet, David complied with sacrifices because that is how God instituted it for a nation to be absolved of their guilt and sin.
Based on the prophecies found in David's songs, it is obvious that he understood a higher way with the LORD. He did not know Christ, but he knew God's character more fully. He seemed to bypass the religious tendency to place ritual above God himself. Amazing to me how even when others see the Old Testament as the picture of an angry God, I am graced to see God's true nature even then.
Some say the Old Testament was an incomplete picture of God, and the New Testament is a clearer picture of His nature. But, I see all of God in the Old Testament, just and merciful, holy and loving. The New Testament is not a completion of the picture, it is God's infinite desire to reach us yet again with an even greater and more demonstrative picture of His love for us.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Sunday, February 22, 2009
A Sweet Smell
Today in church service, a young man gave a story about his mother, who has been battling cancer for years. His mother has been near death, and recently continues to say there is someone in the room with her. Her family does not see this person. But, she says "He smells so good." The family believes it is Christ who visits in this time, with the sweet frangrance that Christ carries. It was so heartwarming. They even have a photo of this aura resting near her face, that they believe is an angel, or perhaps I think, even His presence. The young man nearly wept as he told of this, and commented, "If you are not a believer yet, then listen to my story."
My Pastor continued to comment to me later that there are many stories like this he knows or has witnessed regarding people in Hospice care. It is richly true that the church I attend is full of His love, as many witness such miraculous instances of God's grace in our community.
This winter I experienced it myself. Around 7pm on a Saturday, I felt a strong presence in my room. And, at times, it seemed that I'd walk through that presence and I would laugh and weep with joy as I experienced. About an hour later, I heard loud booms outside my house and after two of them I opened my door to find the house across the street blazing on fire. Three fire engines were sent on my street, parked in front of my door, to put the fire out as it engulfed not only the house but the cars in the driveway. I was awed that not only was God saying He was here to protect that family, but also to protect me. The angel I sensed in my room came at about the time this ferocious fire started!!
Blessings to all who believe in a God loving enough to send His angels to watch over you.
My Pastor continued to comment to me later that there are many stories like this he knows or has witnessed regarding people in Hospice care. It is richly true that the church I attend is full of His love, as many witness such miraculous instances of God's grace in our community.
This winter I experienced it myself. Around 7pm on a Saturday, I felt a strong presence in my room. And, at times, it seemed that I'd walk through that presence and I would laugh and weep with joy as I experienced. About an hour later, I heard loud booms outside my house and after two of them I opened my door to find the house across the street blazing on fire. Three fire engines were sent on my street, parked in front of my door, to put the fire out as it engulfed not only the house but the cars in the driveway. I was awed that not only was God saying He was here to protect that family, but also to protect me. The angel I sensed in my room came at about the time this ferocious fire started!!
Blessings to all who believe in a God loving enough to send His angels to watch over you.
Saturday, February 21, 2009
God In Every Moment
Just a brief note that I wrote in my journal today:
It seems that God is not just relational but very personable. He wants to share in our sufferings, our pleasures, our habits, because His love is strong enough to overcome all things. And, we are not in our own right strong enough. Because of Jesus, He can be in every moment, evil or not, without condemnation or anger. He can help us in ways not possible because His Spirit lives in us, and we have accepted Jesus' work on the cross as penance enough. Thank you, God, for making that possible through your sacrifice on the cross.
It seems that God is not just relational but very personable. He wants to share in our sufferings, our pleasures, our habits, because His love is strong enough to overcome all things. And, we are not in our own right strong enough. Because of Jesus, He can be in every moment, evil or not, without condemnation or anger. He can help us in ways not possible because His Spirit lives in us, and we have accepted Jesus' work on the cross as penance enough. Thank you, God, for making that possible through your sacrifice on the cross.
Given A Portion
One thing that ministered to me as I spoke the Lord's words to a friend the other night, is that we are all given a PORTION of His Spirit and His giftings. Like the scripture that says we are all parts of the body, and literally uses the idea of being a hand or foot or ear. But, here is how I presented it to my friend.
She struggled to feel useful or even progressive in her walk with God. She also said she didn't feel very good because she couldn't consistently be Jesus to people. I asked her if she knew her gifts and reminded her of this scripture. I told her that she wasn't Jesus because Jesus walked in the fullness of all the gifts. We walk IN Christ, not as Christ. We minister AS Christ did WITHIN the portion we are given.
In other words, we are given specific, or a portion of, gifts to minister to the body that ultimately makes it necessary to rely on others for the fullness. In particular, I pointed out our true search should be asking God to strengthen us in the way He has gifted us, rather than expecting to be able to minister in other ways.
I thought of the prayer of Jabez, and how he prayed for God to enlarge his territory. Such a prayer must be done with the understanding that we still minister in the giftings we have -- not as a whole, but as a part. We can achieve much and find greater peace when we seek to be strengthened in the areas God has gifted us. We find contention and dissatisfaction when we try to attain to ways of ministering that are not placed within us. That is envy at work.
So, what is your gift that God wishes to use? Are you satisfied in that gift? And, if not, is it time to enlarge your territory? If so, pray for it to happen, but keep it in the context of how God has created you.
Let me give you a personal illustration. I have spent my entire life in a upper middle class suburban setting, always without major financial worry. In the last few years, and especially since my divorce, my financial situation has funneled down to cause me to experience lack rather than abundance. I used to minister with my gift of GIVING and MERCY through monetary means. Now, I have to learn to minister without monetary means as well as receive from others in monetary ways. God is teaching me there is more than one way to GIVE. It has humbled me and taught me that money is not always the answer. You may know that, but do you live it? I am learning to be content in all circumstances like Paul, which is answered prayer. But, the downside of that is I must experience more circumstances to learn that, some of which are not so fun.
May God reveal to you the area in which He has gifted you and empower you to minister and learn to the fullest in this season of your life.
She struggled to feel useful or even progressive in her walk with God. She also said she didn't feel very good because she couldn't consistently be Jesus to people. I asked her if she knew her gifts and reminded her of this scripture. I told her that she wasn't Jesus because Jesus walked in the fullness of all the gifts. We walk IN Christ, not as Christ. We minister AS Christ did WITHIN the portion we are given.
In other words, we are given specific, or a portion of, gifts to minister to the body that ultimately makes it necessary to rely on others for the fullness. In particular, I pointed out our true search should be asking God to strengthen us in the way He has gifted us, rather than expecting to be able to minister in other ways.
I thought of the prayer of Jabez, and how he prayed for God to enlarge his territory. Such a prayer must be done with the understanding that we still minister in the giftings we have -- not as a whole, but as a part. We can achieve much and find greater peace when we seek to be strengthened in the areas God has gifted us. We find contention and dissatisfaction when we try to attain to ways of ministering that are not placed within us. That is envy at work.
So, what is your gift that God wishes to use? Are you satisfied in that gift? And, if not, is it time to enlarge your territory? If so, pray for it to happen, but keep it in the context of how God has created you.
Let me give you a personal illustration. I have spent my entire life in a upper middle class suburban setting, always without major financial worry. In the last few years, and especially since my divorce, my financial situation has funneled down to cause me to experience lack rather than abundance. I used to minister with my gift of GIVING and MERCY through monetary means. Now, I have to learn to minister without monetary means as well as receive from others in monetary ways. God is teaching me there is more than one way to GIVE. It has humbled me and taught me that money is not always the answer. You may know that, but do you live it? I am learning to be content in all circumstances like Paul, which is answered prayer. But, the downside of that is I must experience more circumstances to learn that, some of which are not so fun.
May God reveal to you the area in which He has gifted you and empower you to minister and learn to the fullest in this season of your life.
Friday, February 20, 2009
Without Sin?
This is a difficult one to post, as it is an incomplete understanding. More of a pondering, wanting to come to reconciliation with the truth. I have read some but not tons on the ideas of mature theologians. I invite and would love response to this thought. It is a bit of a quandry for many I'm sure.
I begin by saying, is our idea of the point at which God defines something as sin skewed? I say that because I wonder at how Jesus could live without ever telling a single lie. Even to his mother as a young child. Lying is a sin as stated in the Ten Commandments. If Jesus was a perfect child, meaning he never once lied for example, how did the community not recognize Him as special?
I also ponder how someone like David could be "a man after God's own heart." I believe that is a label given Him AFTER some really atrocious acts, deliberate murder and adultery. Is the nature of sin actually the lack of repentance, or a single act of disobedience?
I ask that question, not because I doubt that Jesus was "without sin" as scripture states, but because I wonder how it is possible even the slightest mistake could be avoided in a life of 33 years. How could he never be angry or resentful of a customer who slighted him, or common brotherly fights? Don't mistake this for some foul denial of scripture, but rather a deeper search to understand how it is possible for Jesus to be sinless, considering the way sin is defined in the world today. It is also not a lack of faith that my sins are all accounted for on the cross.
I pondered this with a friend recently, and I also recalled how Jesus was given the Spirit even in the womb. He came out of the womb fully able to commune with God. What that tells me is Jesus had the ability to recognize wrong behaviors in His life so that they never became a stronghold. Is sin really about allowing a stronghold in our hearts that separate us from God? Because that I can fathom. I believe Jesus always was in commune with God from the day of His birth.
Just some thoughts to purge my soul and seek His face with respect and patience as the answer becomes clear. I pray that He will lead me to the answer, whether through my own commune, study or that of a more accomplished saint!
I begin by saying, is our idea of the point at which God defines something as sin skewed? I say that because I wonder at how Jesus could live without ever telling a single lie. Even to his mother as a young child. Lying is a sin as stated in the Ten Commandments. If Jesus was a perfect child, meaning he never once lied for example, how did the community not recognize Him as special?
I also ponder how someone like David could be "a man after God's own heart." I believe that is a label given Him AFTER some really atrocious acts, deliberate murder and adultery. Is the nature of sin actually the lack of repentance, or a single act of disobedience?
I ask that question, not because I doubt that Jesus was "without sin" as scripture states, but because I wonder how it is possible even the slightest mistake could be avoided in a life of 33 years. How could he never be angry or resentful of a customer who slighted him, or common brotherly fights? Don't mistake this for some foul denial of scripture, but rather a deeper search to understand how it is possible for Jesus to be sinless, considering the way sin is defined in the world today. It is also not a lack of faith that my sins are all accounted for on the cross.
I pondered this with a friend recently, and I also recalled how Jesus was given the Spirit even in the womb. He came out of the womb fully able to commune with God. What that tells me is Jesus had the ability to recognize wrong behaviors in His life so that they never became a stronghold. Is sin really about allowing a stronghold in our hearts that separate us from God? Because that I can fathom. I believe Jesus always was in commune with God from the day of His birth.
Just some thoughts to purge my soul and seek His face with respect and patience as the answer becomes clear. I pray that He will lead me to the answer, whether through my own commune, study or that of a more accomplished saint!
My God! says Jesus
There is so much breadth to what I am pondering in this one post. I simply want to post what came to me today, without diving into more on Jesus and sin.
On the cross, Jesus says, twice, "My God!, My God!" When I read it, I ponder this thought. I feel like Jesus is saying, at the point of total silence from God (and hence the full weight of our sin), in my words, "Oh my gosh, is this what it feels like to them, to be completely without your presence, bearing the sin in their souls." It was a realization followed by a realization, perhaps, "You are my God." A declaration of sorts.
As the substitute for us, Jesus follows with "Why have you forsaken me?" I think Jesus in His full humanity, cried that out in true anguish, but not fear. Because He had preceded it with a declaration. Jesus was prepared for this. He obviously had to be. He knew who His God was, He knew the outcome of everything, and He knew His God would save.
That is how I felt in the latest manic episode I endured. I had fear and panic, yes, because I feared for my life - not physical but material. I have a strong will to live. Unlike the early years of this. But, I also know there is a time to heal. Much like how trees shed their leaves for a season of hibernation, the Spring will bring new buds (or fruit) that bear leaves. It is a process of nature that can be reflected in a believer's life. I knew throughout this episode, that God would restore, that God would calm the storm. I was merely impatient at His timing and teaching through it all. And, of course, I still have a bit of craving for material comfort in me, complicating my thoughts and placing fear in my heart.
I am able now to walk through a storm, and draw upon the Spirit to see the good in all things. Because I know God is at work. In this case, I feel His timing to return home to be near family. Something I and they have all longed for. Breaking my ties to the Dallas area is difficult.
I still don't know why it happened this way. Merely that it is not God's way to teach me through such chaos. He could have done it more gently. And, I was not in some type of stubborn rebellion to have caused. I was living peaceable and obediently. I struggled with some wrong behaviors, but I was never out of commune with him. So, all I can say is that I have been in a battle for my life and sanity since I went to the spiritual cult. Hence, I come back to the reality that there is a spiritual battle. But, greater is He who is in me, than he who is in the world, human or demon.
I am grateful for many new beginnings, and for the leading and peace of God to get me home to Virginia. There, I know, the cult's influence will be diminished because of lack of proximity, and my pursuit to counter their lies through scripture will become more complete. God has restored my vision for a future, and I look forward to greater peace and joy as I travel from here.
On the cross, Jesus says, twice, "My God!, My God!" When I read it, I ponder this thought. I feel like Jesus is saying, at the point of total silence from God (and hence the full weight of our sin), in my words, "Oh my gosh, is this what it feels like to them, to be completely without your presence, bearing the sin in their souls." It was a realization followed by a realization, perhaps, "You are my God." A declaration of sorts.
As the substitute for us, Jesus follows with "Why have you forsaken me?" I think Jesus in His full humanity, cried that out in true anguish, but not fear. Because He had preceded it with a declaration. Jesus was prepared for this. He obviously had to be. He knew who His God was, He knew the outcome of everything, and He knew His God would save.
That is how I felt in the latest manic episode I endured. I had fear and panic, yes, because I feared for my life - not physical but material. I have a strong will to live. Unlike the early years of this. But, I also know there is a time to heal. Much like how trees shed their leaves for a season of hibernation, the Spring will bring new buds (or fruit) that bear leaves. It is a process of nature that can be reflected in a believer's life. I knew throughout this episode, that God would restore, that God would calm the storm. I was merely impatient at His timing and teaching through it all. And, of course, I still have a bit of craving for material comfort in me, complicating my thoughts and placing fear in my heart.
I am able now to walk through a storm, and draw upon the Spirit to see the good in all things. Because I know God is at work. In this case, I feel His timing to return home to be near family. Something I and they have all longed for. Breaking my ties to the Dallas area is difficult.
I still don't know why it happened this way. Merely that it is not God's way to teach me through such chaos. He could have done it more gently. And, I was not in some type of stubborn rebellion to have caused. I was living peaceable and obediently. I struggled with some wrong behaviors, but I was never out of commune with him. So, all I can say is that I have been in a battle for my life and sanity since I went to the spiritual cult. Hence, I come back to the reality that there is a spiritual battle. But, greater is He who is in me, than he who is in the world, human or demon.
I am grateful for many new beginnings, and for the leading and peace of God to get me home to Virginia. There, I know, the cult's influence will be diminished because of lack of proximity, and my pursuit to counter their lies through scripture will become more complete. God has restored my vision for a future, and I look forward to greater peace and joy as I travel from here.
Questions I Ponder
There are many questions I wish to have understanding about. Here are a few on my mind lately.
1) What was it about Jesus' personality or demeanor that made it possible for Him to walk among sinners and be accepted, even moreso than the religious?
2) How is it scripture said Jesus was sinless? How is it possible He never sinned if He was fully human? And, why didn't His hometown recognize Him as the Messiah if He never sinned?
3) Why is it some teach Jesus took all our illness upon Him yet I still suffer physical illness? What is the true meaning of that scripture?
4) How can a person who is fully human bear the enormous pain of the beatings, slashings and crucifixion?
I have thoughts on some of these. Bear with me in future posts as I ponder them over. I'd love to hear your comments and questions.
1) What was it about Jesus' personality or demeanor that made it possible for Him to walk among sinners and be accepted, even moreso than the religious?
2) How is it scripture said Jesus was sinless? How is it possible He never sinned if He was fully human? And, why didn't His hometown recognize Him as the Messiah if He never sinned?
3) Why is it some teach Jesus took all our illness upon Him yet I still suffer physical illness? What is the true meaning of that scripture?
4) How can a person who is fully human bear the enormous pain of the beatings, slashings and crucifixion?
I have thoughts on some of these. Bear with me in future posts as I ponder them over. I'd love to hear your comments and questions.
A New Beginning
As I write today, my first post of this blog, I find I no longer grieve the loss of my previous blog. You may wonder how it was lost. Simply put, I deleted it. I have suffered through bi-polar disorder and depression for the last 15 years of my life. In 2000, I came to know Jesus more personally, and it seems all hell broke loose then in my life. A spiritual struggle? Yes. But, not necessarily a battle with demons, except those in my thought life. What I mean is, the very lies I had believed as I grew up in a world sorely missing Christ's influence, had to be countered. I am an intense person and I intensely pursued the healing of God from depression and bi-polar.
I honestly believe, though submit such belief to God, that depression no longer has a long-term hold on me. It once did. But, the joy and hope that I have sought to combat that more easily fills my heart. I submit that belief because I do not want, in my pride, to say I will never need medicine. I only hope that that certain condition has been resolved and managed by my faith. Not in healing miraculously, but in diligent study and application of God's Word to change how I see myself, others and Him. What I do realize today, is that I have a physical condition in bi-polar that at the least requires medication to avoid the manic highs and panic attacks.
I do not believe a demon inflicts me with such things, as many have tried to teach me. I believe it is my own weakness towards worry and a genetic disposition that I face. Medicine is welcome in my life now. I even finally accepted that with my diabetes. I submit to my doctors, then and now, and believe that God will give us both wisdom in how to improve the quality of my life.
I feel like this blog is a new beginning for me. As I read God's Word these days, my heart is more deeply open to its understanding and truth. I continually rely on those more mature in its study and their walk to help me discern. Especially since I, early on in my Christian life, learned from a cult the twisted truths. This new beginning is like the building on a foundation in the Word I gained immediately following my departure from that cult. It is the next level of finding freedom from their lies and the twisting in my own heart from many years without the Word.
I truly believe the Word of God is living and breathing in me. It finds root now in more fertile soil. But, only in humility and acceptance of my own selfish tendencies, can I truly receive. Please know this blog contains ponderings on scripture, and tough questions I desire answers to. Do not take it as ultimate revelation of scripture, but as a prompt for your own inspiration to dig deeper.
I pray for all of you the same hope and future God has given me as He continually restores and teaches me in His ways. May His thoughts be your thoughts and may you walk in His ways by the empowerment of His Spirit.
I honestly believe, though submit such belief to God, that depression no longer has a long-term hold on me. It once did. But, the joy and hope that I have sought to combat that more easily fills my heart. I submit that belief because I do not want, in my pride, to say I will never need medicine. I only hope that that certain condition has been resolved and managed by my faith. Not in healing miraculously, but in diligent study and application of God's Word to change how I see myself, others and Him. What I do realize today, is that I have a physical condition in bi-polar that at the least requires medication to avoid the manic highs and panic attacks.
I do not believe a demon inflicts me with such things, as many have tried to teach me. I believe it is my own weakness towards worry and a genetic disposition that I face. Medicine is welcome in my life now. I even finally accepted that with my diabetes. I submit to my doctors, then and now, and believe that God will give us both wisdom in how to improve the quality of my life.
I feel like this blog is a new beginning for me. As I read God's Word these days, my heart is more deeply open to its understanding and truth. I continually rely on those more mature in its study and their walk to help me discern. Especially since I, early on in my Christian life, learned from a cult the twisted truths. This new beginning is like the building on a foundation in the Word I gained immediately following my departure from that cult. It is the next level of finding freedom from their lies and the twisting in my own heart from many years without the Word.
I truly believe the Word of God is living and breathing in me. It finds root now in more fertile soil. But, only in humility and acceptance of my own selfish tendencies, can I truly receive. Please know this blog contains ponderings on scripture, and tough questions I desire answers to. Do not take it as ultimate revelation of scripture, but as a prompt for your own inspiration to dig deeper.
I pray for all of you the same hope and future God has given me as He continually restores and teaches me in His ways. May His thoughts be your thoughts and may you walk in His ways by the empowerment of His Spirit.
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