Free From Bitterness

I have been pondering the concept of bitterness, and not only God's definition of it, but His remedy. I surmise that bitterness is in itself a deep level of distress or anguish over something that in essence distorts the way one sees and reacts to things.

Take a look at this scripture. Depending on whether you've experienced bitterness or not, it may be hard to come to agreement with those who have, on how to interpret this event in the life of Hannah.

This went on year after year; whenever they went to the house of the LORD, Peninnah would upset Hannah so much that she would cry and refuse to eat anything. Her husband Elkanah would ask her, "Hannah, why are you crying? Why won't you eat? Why are you always so sad? Don't I mean more to you than ten sons?" One time, after they had finished their meal in the house of the LORD at Shiloh, Hannah got up. She was deeply distressed, and she cried bitterly as she prayed to the LORD. Meanwhile, Eli the priest was sitting in his place by the door.
(1 Samuel 1:7-9)

I bolded two phrases in this verse. In the verses prior, it speaks to how Hannah received a double portion from Elkanah despite her barren womb. In the verses following, we see Elkanah treating Hannah with the same graciousness. But, here in the midst, I believe we see the effects of bitterness upon Hannah's soul. On one side, the way she responded may seem childish. On the other hand, the way she responded seems understandable.

Speaking towards the understandable, I can relate to Hannah's response. And, I take a leap in saying how she felt at this moment in time. For a long time, Hannah has been sad. And, such statements as the second one bolded would be so horribly cruel and selfish. Or so it would seem to the embittered soul. I've always thought this statement of Elkanah was selfish. Certainly, it is a bitter shallow but it is not cruel or meant to cause greater grief.

I applaud Hannah for her response. She prayed wholeheartedly to the Lord. And, I think she prayed knowing that she had become bitter. I believe it is her confession to her Lord that opened the door for Him to open her womb. Bitterness first crushes you, then when you find yourself it's victim knowingly, it humbles you. Being both the victim and victor of bitterness is a solid way to create the kind of heart that could sincerely and sacrificially pray for a child as Hannah did. Hannah was crushed under its weight and freed by God's love and attention.

I have been there. I have been bitter. And seen how it colors all you hear and see, especially in those I love. I confessed my bitterness but I did not wait upon the Lord to heal and restore what it had destroyed, namely my marriage. But, today, I am free of that bitterness. I mourn what it destroyed but I rejoice in what God's healing has revealed in my heart. Today, I stand encouraged at the degree of servanthood, sacrifice and gratitude that shines from within. God can do amazing things even when we thought we had given up and messed up. He is a redeemer and a healer. Praise the Lord!