This is a more personal post than normal. Today, after a discouraging event in my life, I find myself wondering if God is really as I have known Him. I have teetered between the denominational scene and the charismatic scene, and always find more hurt in a church than by non-church-goers. In the Methodist tradition I felt stifled on how to worship God and longing for more people who'd sow into my life than just at social gatherings. In the charismatic church, I find people hear from God too much. It seems they take license to speak into your life in ways that are not always receivable. The excitement of the charismatic church draws me, but the calm security of a denominational church beckons.
Yet, I find myself today, wary of any church at all. I am tired of rules about this or that, ways of being that must be followed to be a good Christian. I am tired of leadership being comprised of the most likeable, not always the most heart qualified.
Overall, I am disappointed in God and how things keep going wrong in my life, despite my pursuit of Him and diligent prayer. Yet, I find myself a stronger person as I weather each storm. Stronger in my own way, if not a little more independent of God. Is that growing up in the Lord, or backsliding. I'm not sure which!
Seems I just have to continue to trust in myself to pull through and in the promise of eternal life on the other end of this one...
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Please remember my postings are ponderings of truth and of my personal journey. Posts that show anger and sarcasm directed at me or other readers will be removed. Please post in the spirit of Christ or otherwise be mature in your response. Be blessed as you read and respond!